To Not Regret
by Ceyrai
Summary: RyoSaku. Sakuno's first kiss is stolen from her - and it's not Ryoma. But... "what if I told you, Ryuuzaki, about your real first kiss?"


**Ceyrai Says: **This story hit me around March-ish last year. It's funny how much plotbunnies can attack you at your most vulnerable – when you're cramming for exams. Urgh. This shouldn't happen _this_ often.

**Notes:**_  
Pair: _RyoSaku_  
Universe: _Canon, future-fic_  
Warnings:_ Slight OOC. Also, a couple of minor swear words. Sakuno being melodramatic? Does that merit a warning?_  
Rip-offs: _None.  
_Additional Notes: _They could probably be first or second year high school by this time, but they've been friends for a while, thus the easy RyoSaku friendly interaction.  
_Disclaimer: _There would've been chibi!Ryosaku in canon if I owned TeniPuri.

* * *

**To Not Regret**_  
i wanted it to be from someone i really loved

* * *

_

Sakuno stood frozen in place.

She was in a sea of shock, electric currents running through her veins. Her face was utterly pale, but she was not moving. She was not even shivering. She just stood there, staring at the beautifully smiling face – radiant, even dazzling, but _not even remotely registering in her head._

Her expression was that of a Noh mask – blank. Even her normally expressive eyes were glazed over. She could hear a faint buzzing around her. It might have been louder to her had she really taken time to notice it. She could feel, vaguely, the stares of surprise, delight, annoyance, dispassion. But right then, all she could think of was how disgusted she felt with herself. She had been weak. She had not protected herself.

Then it all came rushing forth. The confusion like stomach acid curdling her insides. The embarrassment like tar being forced down her throat. And the horror – the horror that made her skin crawl and wish for a chasm to be opened under her feet so that she'd just fall, fall, fall into the depths.

It wouldn't do much to help, but at least she wouldn't be thinking of this _situation_, if a chasm did open and she did fall. At least the only thing she'd be thinking about was certain death, and that was an altogether better thought than what she was facing right now.

The shivering came now, and she tried to speak. Anything – anything that would convey her displeasure, no, _hatred_ for what had just been forced upon her. "R-" she tried, but nothing came out.

The beautiful, perfect face smiled gently down at her, as though believing her to be entranced.

That smile. That beautiful, radiant smile. That wonderful expression of happiness and warmth.

"R-" she tried again.

_How she hated that smile._

A small chuckle. "You can start smiling now."

She bit her lip.

"Ryuuzaki…?"

She wrapped her tongue around her choice of words carefully. She looked up, and met startling _green _eyes.

"…I _hate_ you, Rikumura-sempai."

She was calm, expressionless, and, for the moment, a savage kind of happy inside. She relished the way the word tasted in her mouth. Without minding the stares and glares and who-knows-what-else, she turned from the scene and walked away, turning at the corridor with a graceful pivot of her foot and a swish of her skirt.

The picture of strength and iciness.

No one saw her as anguished tears and hysterical hiccups poured out of her moments later, while she ran from the scene with stumbling, uncertain feet.

* * *

Ryoma climbed the stairs to the roof deck of the school, rubbing his knuckles as he did.

_Troublesome girl._

He stepped into the harsh noon sunlight and he shielded his eyes, looking around quickly. There was no sign of the person he sought. He let out a small huff of irritation.

_Exasperating girl._

He knew her well enough, though. Walking around to the small maintenance closet behind the stairwell, he finally heard it – poorly hidden whimpers and sniffles.

_Ch._ He ran his fingers through his green-black hair. _Annoying girl._

He rapped on the door.

"Oi, you in there?"

The sobbing stopped abruptly, like the owner had suddenly stopped breathing, which Ryoma knew she had. "Even if you pretend you aren't there," he said, deadpan, "I'm not stupid."

Silence.

"I'm serious, get out of there. You'll… I dunno. Asphyxiate, or smell like wet mops… or something."

Still no response. Exasperated, Ryoma sighed and brought out his trump card. "I punched the bastard."

Finally, the closet door opened, slowly at first. Then a pair of swollen, watery, brown eyes glared at him. "I would've done that myself," Sakuno said quietly, not quite able to get the sob out of her voice.

"'Cept you're here, busy filling those buckets in there with salt water," Ryoma drawled, an eyebrow raised, pulling the door open a little wider. His expression softened considerably after seeing her lips quiver. He sighed and cupped his large hand behind her head, coaxing her out gently. The auburn-haired girl complied sullenly.

They sat in silence by the shade the stairwell made on the ground, the last of Sakuno's tears draining out. She herself was drained from crying. Ryoma took a good look at her face before saying, "You look like crap."

Sakuno's brow creased, but that was all. Any other day, and she would have burst into tears, but crying was beyond her now and Ryoma's words just didn't have the effect it usually did. The situation earlier effectively took up most of her emotional energy.

In any case, Ryoma was offering her his handkerchief, and that more than made up for his quiet teasing.

"You didn't need to punch him," she said, wiping her eyes. "You get into enough trouble because of me as it is."

"I felt like it. I hate jerks like him."

Sakuno's mouth _almost_ quirked up. "You punching him won't make it any less real."

"Neither will you crying."

"What am I supposed to do, then? Just grin and bear it?"

"Maybe. You girls just make too big a deal out of kisses."

There was a silence – an awkward, painful but contemplative one. Despite his last line, Ryoma was brooding, because he didn't like anyone kissing Sakuno – especially an overly assuming, sickeningly perfect sempai like that Rikumura. That was clear to him, though he didn't bother to tell her that. It didn't matter. She would probably realize that sooner or later.

Sakuno's hurt ran a little deeper, though. He couldn't understand it completely himself, but she wouldn't react like this without a real reason. She wasn't a drama queen. She would keep quiet until she found herself compelled to react. So Ryoma waited. She would be compelled to talk sooner or later.

Naturally, he was right. Five minutes into their thoughtful silence, she spoke.

"He… kissed me, and I hated it. I don't want it to be a big deal to me, but I… I can't help it."

Ryoma merely blinked slowly in acknowledgement, not facing her.

"He always came on too strong, even before this, but I did refuse his advances. I don't know what gave him the idea that I would like… a _spectacle_ like that."

"You refuse too nicely," the boy said bluntly, still staring straight ahead. "You should learn to say what you mean, or he'll just think you're shy."

Sakuno laughed weakly. "I know I should, but the reflex of always aiming to please just comes over me too strongly and quickly, you know?"

"So you should just practice saying what you mean, until its second nature to you." He smirked. "Like that parting line of yours. I particularly enjoyed that."

A blush. "Don't remind me. Now everyone's going to think I'm a bitch."

Ryoma rolled his eyes. "Why do you even care what other people think of you?"

"We can't all be natural arrogance like you, Ryoma-kun."

"True," Ryoma mused.

There was another silence, both staring into space, the girl trying to word her next sentence carefully. "I… was saving my first kiss."

Ryoma tried not to look too interested. "Were you, now?"

Sakuno nodded, gazing upwards into the sunny sky, not meeting his gaze. "I wanted it to be from someone I really loved."

A smile slowly crept up Ryoma's face, but he knew Sakuno was not finished.

And she wasn't, as she fisted her hands and pounded the floor. "B-but… he took that choice away from me!" she cried, looking angry and anguished at the same time. "For once… for once I wanted to be able to choose these moments for myself… but in the end…" She sniffed. "Maybe," she began again, "if he wasn't an almost complete stranger, or if that wasn't my first kiss, I wouldn't react like this… but… ah…"

She seemed to catch herself and hurriedly wiped her eyes with the handkerchief again. "Am I bothering you, Ryoma-kun? I'm sorry, I'm still a little emotional and you just happen to be the closest person I can vent to, so sorry-"

"Hey, Ryuuzaki," the jade-haired athlete interrupted, staring directly into the sky.

"Y-yes?"

"What if I told you that wasn't your first kiss?"

Silence. Then-

"Whuh?"

"What if I told you," Ryoma elaborated, choosing this moment to gaze at her intently, "that your first kiss was with a not-so stranger and not that idiot sempai?"

Sakuno struggled for a comeback. "I-I'd say you were pulling my leg."

Ryoma leaned back into the wall, putting his arms behind his head. He looked, for all intents and purposes, nonchalant and relaxed, but his honed mind was busy planning, carefully plotting how he was going to use this situation to his advantage.

"So I guess you really don't remember."

Sakuno furrowed her brow. "Remember what?"

"Your real first kiss."

"_What_?"

"You heard me."

This was too much for the young Ryuuzaki. Not only was she experiencing some very unpleasant sensations due to the kiss forced on her, but Ryoma was speaking in riddles again – a habit she hated about him. He knew something she didn't, and he was going to make her guess. Or maybe beg for an explanation. Just _what_ was he implying? Sakuno was a smart girl, albeit a little naïve sometimes, so she knew from his tone what he could be suggesting, though she didn't really trust herself to believe it. To spare herself some time, she glared at him as sharply as she could.

Unfortunately, her glares weren't strong enough, and he was too pompous to feel them anyway. "Think," he prompted, casting a lazy eye on her. "It happened when you could still forget things that happened around you."

"L-like… like, say, when I was about three or four years old?"

He shrugged.

"Are you making fun of me?" Sakuno asked suspiciously, heart racing. "Because this isn't funny at all! It's utterly ridiculous and _implausible_!"

"But not impossible," he pointed out.

"Ryoma-kun," Sakuno said slowly, trying to calm herself down. "I know you like teasing me and all, but this isn't the right time-"

"Do I look like I'm teasing you?" Ryoma asked, looking squarely at her.

"You c-certainly sound like it," Sakuno said, unsure and fidgety all of a sudden.

"There's nothing in it for me if I was," Ryoma said quietly. "But I'm quite serious, Ryuuzaki." He smirked a little. "I'll even give you a clue. There was a house – traditional Japanese, two-stories high, with a wooden fish mounted on the wall of one room. In the courtyard was a koi pond, and a large tree with a little red-roofed playhouse underneath."

Sakuno's mouth slowly fell open as realization dawned on her. She knew exactly what Ryoma was describing, but she could hardly bring herself to believe that he, of all people, could describe it almost accurately.

"The old family house… where we all used to live…"

Ryoma nodded. "And one particularly hot day, kinda like this one, a boy came to visit with his parents. He wore a red shirt under a blue jumper-"

It hit her then.

"-and a white Fila cap, and the snottiest expression I'd ever seen," Sakuno finished slowly.

It all came together for her, the last piece of memory falling into place with a nice _thunk_.

_Sakuno peered from behind her mother. The house, usually full, but empty that day except for a few people, was suddenly playing host to a tall, boisterous man, a petite, calmly smiling lady, and a little boy with an expression she thought only belonged to her stern grandfather, all standing in the alcove._

_"It's a pleasure to see you again, Nanjirou-sempai!" her father was saying, currently shaking hands vigorously with the large male stranger. "Okaasan always manages to mention her top junior high tennis star to everyone! We always knew you'd come to the top!"_

_"Heh, well, I still got a ways to go, y'know?" the man called Nanjirou replied heartily. "I'm not number one yet. But hey! I didn't think I'd see you this grown up, Sano-chan! And you even got yourself quite the looker, too!" he added, eyeing the woman Sakuno was crouching behind. "Impressive."_

_"Oh dear," her mother said, shifting uncomfortably, trying to smile apologetically at the other woman, who shook her head laughingly._

_"Don't mind him," she said goodnaturedly. Sakuno's mother visibly relaxed after that._

_"Idiot Nanjirou!" Ryuuzaki Sumire boomed. "Don't you be putting on moves on my daughter-in-law like that! Consider whose house you're in, for crying out loud!"_

_"You should be grateful this great Nanjirou-sama decided to grace your house with his presence, old hag!" Nanjirou retorted in jest. "But anyway, I'm glad to see you're as energetic as always."_

_The grown-ups went into the reception room, chattering all the while. Sakuno didn't really know what they were saying, nor did she particularly care, but the little boy, looking around a little curiously, definitely caught her attention. He looked like someone who might appreciate playing with her for a while._

_Her grandmother seemed to think so too. "Hey, why don't we let the kids play together for now? I don't think they'd be too happy listening to grown-up banter."_

_Sakuno perked up. She didn't really have anyone to play with save her cousins, but they were too big for her toddler toys, and they were all out of the house that day. The boy across her seemed just right. "That's a fine idea!" the smiling lady agreed. "He hasn't had anyone to play with since the beginning of this vacation, except for his dad."_

_Everyone seemed to be happy about the arrangement, except the boy. "But-" he tried to protest, looking back and forth from his parents to the little girl sitting across him._

_"Would you rather listen to us talking about boring grown up things?" the smiling lady asked._

_"Sakuno-chan has a tricycle and lots of balls to play with," her own mother coaxed._

_The boy seemed to finally give in. "Okay," he said tentatively, glancing at Sakuno, who promptly blushed. Even then, she was already very shy with strangers, but very welcoming._

_They were both led to the courtyard, in front of a small house underneath a large tree, and were left alone in silence. Before Sakuno could think of anything to say, the boy wandered off without saying a word. "H-hey!" Sakuno called. "Where are you going?"_

_"Away," the boy said simply._

_"B-but why…?"_

_"'Coz you're a girl, and girls have icky cooties," the boy explained as though it were as obvious as the nose on her face._

_"Kuu… chi… su…_ (1)_," Sakuno imitated, the syllables feeling a little weird in her mouth. "What's that?"_

_"Icky gross things," the boy answered. "Don't you know?"_

_"I don't have icky gross things!" Sakuno huffed indignantly. "I took a bath this morning!"_

_This seemed to surprise the boy. "You don't?" he asked. Then he relaxed. "Then it's okay to play, then."_

_They began playing, tentatively at first, a game of Touch the Koi. It was as simple as sticking their fingers into the pond to see if any of the koi would brush against them. None did, of course, but the simple game, which they spent talking a bit, let Sakuno know that the boy loved tennis (whatever that was), wanted to beat his father (but he was so small!), and wished for a fluffy white cat (that, she could agree with)._

_Then they began a game of catch. It didn't last very long, as Sakuno didn't have motor coordination even then. But the boy looked as though he enjoyed himself immensely, throwing balls to places where Sakuno couldn't reach._

_"It's hot," the white-capped boy complained eventually. Without waiting for a reply, he went to stand under the shade of the tree. Sakuno followed him, waiting for him to decide what to play next. To her alarm, the boy lost interest in standing under the large tree quickly and was trying to pull the door of her playhouse open._

_"You can't!" she cried, barring him from the door._

_The boy pouted. "Why not?"_

_"Because it's my house. You can't just go into my house!"_

_"But it's hot! I wanna sleep!"_

_"You can't sleep in my house!"_

_"But why not!?" the boy asked, looking irked. _

_"Because Otouchan said," Sakuno explained, "that I can't let boys into my house. It's bad."_

_The boy looked upset, and Sakuno pitied him. He only wanted to sleep in the house. But her father had said no. And she _did_ want to show him her dolls. Her mind worked quickly at a solution._

_The boy seemed to get to a conclusion first, though. "I have an idea," he said seriously._

_"What is it?" Sakuno asked eagerly._

_"We should get married."_

_Sakuno blinked._

_"Eh? Married…? What's mar-ried?"_

_(The boy sure knew a lot of strange words.)_

_"Like living in a house together, and stuff," the boy explained. "If we're married, we're allowed to live in the house together."_

_"Like Otouchan and Okaachan? Are they married?"_

_"Yup. And having babies, and kissing, and going to work… and stuff."_

_It all sounded very fascinating to Sakuno. And if they needed to have babies, then she had lots of dolls! She turned to the boy. "How does 'married' work?"_

_"First you need an old guy in front, then lots of people, then you and me will say stuff like 'Till death do us part' and 'I do.'" As an afterthought, he added, "And rings."_

_"And rings," Sakuno echoed. "Okay! Then we'll get married! I'll get the old guy, and lots of people!"_

_The boy nodded. "I'll get the rings."_

_It was all very serious business._

_Minutes later, a Santa Claus doll sat in front of the gathered doll congregation, with Sakuno and the boy sitting in front of it. Ryoma began, speaking in his best old man voice, "Dearie beloved, we are gartered here today to…" He frowned, seeming to forget the next lines. He shrugged and went with the flow. "…to be married so we can live together in the house under the tree."_

_"Yup!" Sakuno agreed happily._

_"Here," the boy ordered, tossing Sakuno a rubber band. "You put it on my finger, and I'll put this," he showed her the other band, "on yours."_

_After the two exchanged (rubber) bands, the boy summoned his old man voice again. "And now, you're husband and wife! You may kiss the bride."_

_"Kiss?" Oh, she liked that. She liked being hugged and kissed by her parents and uncles and aunts and cousins – it felt very pleasant and she felt very loved. The boy, however, looked a little apprehensive, suddenly realizing what he had just said. Sakuno cocked her head to the side. "Ne, aren't you going to kiss me?"_

_The boy looked at her suspiciously. "Are you really _sure_ you don't got cooties?"_

_"I said I took a bath!"_

_"Well, if you're sure…" he muttered under his breath. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her waiting own._

_Needless to say, it felt pleasant, albeit in an unusual way. Sakuno suddenly remembered that no one outside her family kissed her, so this was something very new. But it felt very nice. Very nice indeed. The boy seemed to think so too, because after he pulled back, he leaned in and kissed her again._

_"This is… kinda nice," he admitted afterwards._

_"See, I told you I don't have… icky gross things." _

_"Cooties."_

_"Yeah." Whatever that meant._

_"So," the boy asked, "can I sleep in your house now?"_

_"Sure!" Sakuno exclaimed. "You can sleep there anytime you want!"_

_The pair went into the house, and after admiring Sakuno's dolls, promptly went to sleep in the tiny house, side by side, like the good little children they were._

_Later on, the boy's father would pick his sleeping son up, commenting that he had become a smooth ladies man without even having to have an Adam's apple, and the girl's parents would despair that she had turned on her charms even before she could start grade school. The girl slept on, oblivious to everything, and would later on forget the events of that day slowly._

_And the boy…_

"…the boy was…"

Sakuno stared at her companion, hardly daring to believe it.

"Ryoma-kun?"

The cat-eyed tennis player had no expression on his face – not even a smirk. His hand twitched under his head. "Yeah," he said, trying to keep the quiver out of his voice.

"But… that's… it's…" Sakuno stammered, sounding a little agitated, as though unable to find the right words. She took a deep breath. "How could you remember this, when you couldn't even remember me that time we met on the train?"

Ryoma shrugged again. "I guess I didn't think the girl in my memory was you, till recently."

"Then how are you sure that I'm the girl…?"

"I wasn't entirely sure at first – I could have been babbling nonsense for all I knew. But if you remember it, and I remember it, surely it must have happened between the two of us." And then Ryoma knew it was now or never. "Well, doesn't it make you feel better, knowing that it wasn't that bastard who got it from you?"

"…I…"

A short look told him that the auburn-haired girl was still trying to absorb all that had happened. Then, to his alarm, her eyes had become increasingly shiny with tears, and her bottom lip quivered.

That did not bode well. He grasped at straws, desperate for any excuse. "Well, it's better like this, isn't it?" he asked, stumbling over his words, feeling a rant coming on. Damn, she was the only one who could get him to do that. "At least it wasn't a complete stranger, and it happened when you couldn't remember it, and it wasn't in front of a lot of people, and-"

"R-r-ryoma… k-kun…"

All of a sudden he felt a weight on his body, and a pleasant warmth encircling him. It took him about a few seconds to digest that he was being hugged. He felt her warm breath on his neck, and he shuddered a little at the contact.

"…thank you," she whispered. The tears spilled onto his collar, where Sakuno had buried her face. She grasped his button-down shirt. "Thank you… for my first kiss…"

"And your second too," he reminded her quietly.

"Yes, that too," she laughed softly. "Thank you. You can't… you can't imagine how relieved and happy I feel… that it's you… _you _of all people… I would have never believed it…"

She hugged him tighter, nuzzling his neck with her nose. Ryoma's nape hairs stood on end, but in a pleasant way. He _could_ imagine, truth be told, how relieved Sakuno may have been – it was the same thing he felt himself. He sighed into her, relishing the moment.

"…say, Ryuuzaki."

"Yes…?"

He smirked a little, more confident now.

"Want your fourth?"

He shifted her head so that she was looking at him, and without waiting for an answer, he dipped his head forward to capture her lips with his own in a soft, chaste kiss.

Sakuno blushed deeply and pulled back, trying her best to meet Ryoma's eyes. "W-well," she began, "m-maybe, even my fifth, sixth, seventh…"

"Hn?" Ryoma asked, amused. He pressed his forehead against hers, his hands lingering on her waist. "That's greedy." She smiled sheepishly in mild embarrassment. He leaned forward, his breath on her lips. "Well, we _are_ married, after all. All the more reasons to do so."

Sakuno laughed as Ryoma pulled her closer for another round of kisses. Maybe, if Sakuno being kissed made them go through epiphanies like this, then they'd have to thank that Rikumura-sempai after all.

* * *

(1) How a Japanese girl unexposed to English might say "cooties." Ryoma mixed a bit of English in his Japanese, thus the confusion.

**Ceyrai Says: **Well, I'm not sure about the ending – feels rushed. Though this is pretty long. The writing style is kind of inconsistent too. Hah… Mada mada dane.

I hope I at least captured their characters well. I think, when Sakuno isn't so shy and when Ryoma let's down his guard, they can talk pretty easily. I guess this was my take on 1) RyoSaku friendship and 2) chibi!RyoSaku, all in one. Though I wanted to elaborate more on them being "married". Hm. Maybe another fic will do.

Constructive critique, comments, compliments, plzkthxbai.


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